A Future with Endometriosis and Motherhood
I had to think long and hard about this one. When this magazine theme was presented to me, I wasn’t sure what I was going to write. So I started to think: to think about my future. Where I want to be in the next year, where I see my family, what could possibly happen. My thought process then brought me to the idea of children and how much I would love children in my future. Not today, nor tomorrow, but someday I would love to have children. I’m one of those people who as soon as I see a little’n running around, I just want to hold their hand, cuddle them, spend all day and night with them!
Currently, at home I have my beautiful Rosey. Rosey is actually a dog, but she is my baby. I got Rosey in 2020 from Dog Rescue Newcastle; yes, I know, a Covid puppy. Originally I applied for her sister Poppy but she was already sold, so I enquired about Rosey and, to my surprise, I could get her the very next day! I was so excited to bring this baby home and look after her. Now, at the age of two, she is fifty kilos, has a beautiful brindle coat, and is the biggest sook I have ever met.
Every time I discipline her, like telling her to wait, sit, calm, or letting her know that she can wait, and that she is fine, my mum looks at me with pride. She frequently tells me “you’re a really good mummy,” and that “you’re a tough and caring mummy.” This tough part comes from when my, again, fifty-kilo dog is crying at the back door to come in while we’re eating dinner and I tell her “no, you’re fine, you can wait until we’re finished,” which she still gets upset about. My mum tells me how patient and kind I am, and how I would make an amazing mum some day. And I really hope I do.
Now, to the future. In February I had a small pregnancy scare, in which I missed two of my contraceptive pills somewhere and I was becoming sick. Freaking myself out, I took a test and hoped I wouldn’t be. During the time before I could get a pregnancy test, I was panicking about what I would do, what would happen to uni, how we would support ourselves, all the if’s and but’s I could possibly think of. Having the conversation with my boyfriend was hard, as one may expect, and of course he was supportive, but also scared beyond belief. The test came back negative and there was a massive sigh of relief. No longer did I have to think about the if’s and but’s. No longer did I have to worry. But, then it hit me…
I have endometriosis. By definition, endometriosis is the growth of uterine lining outside of the uterus. I had surgery last year for this, and they removed endometrium (uterine lining) from the underside of my ovaries and back wall of my uterus. It was very painful, to say the least. I then remembered–I guess for lack of a better word–a symptom that can occur because of endometriosis… infertility and problems with pregnancy. And that scared me. I realised that my endometriosis could cause me to not be able to have children, one of the biggest things I think of when I think of the future.
I have watched family and friends fight endometriosis, struggle with falling pregnant, and have surgery after surgery to see if they will even have the chance to have children. Some yes and some no. It is said that having children before the age of 28 or 30 helps increase the chance of being pregnant, which has really made me think about my life goals and the time of which I would have children. In fear, I would want them soon, but in reality, I would be waiting until my late 20’s to even start thinking about it.
While this thought is extremely scary, I have hope. The future is full of unknowns and countless possibilities, which make it hard to even predict what may happen tomorrow. There are three things that help keep me hopeful. One, I have a gynaecologist who has helped me with my surgery and is set on helping me with any of my endometriosis troubles. Two, I have a supportive family, boyfriend, and friends who will be by my side no matter what. And three, one day I’m going to be a mum–no matter what. I’ll either be a mother to my child later in life (when I’m ready and not rushed) or a mother to a child who is not birthed by me, but one I adopt. I might be a mother to another Rosey (or five) and care for these dogs as my babies. Either way, I will not give up on my dream of being a good mother, nor will I let endometriosis control my life or happiness.
Hey! My name is Ivy-Rose! I’m the student life columnist and contributor for the Opus mag! I love writing about life as a student, the societal expectations, and experiences that help us grow and shape us to who we are today – as individuals and a collective! When I’m not contributing to Opus, I’m helping out local charity organisations SHIBUI Services and What Were You Wearing as well as creating content!