No, I’m bisexual, you’re confused

Pride day speech on bisexuality

I thought I would start with a saying that I find myself often saying: “No I’m bisexual you’re confused”. To me this encapsulates a lot off the ideas, beliefs and attitudes that are in circulation about bisexuality. There is a general misunderstanding in the queer and general communities, about the legitimacy of bisexuality as a valid sexuality. I have heard it all before “Just decide”, “ You are a fence sitter”, “Bisexuals don’t exist” and they will sleep with everyone they meet. These ideas about bisexuality negate the legitimacy of bisexuality and perpetuate a negative ideas about what bisexuality is. What is bisexuality you ask?? Well I personally think bisexuality is a sexuality that involves attraction to any gender. It is not only about sex, it is a way of life. It influences the friends you have, the lovers you choose and the communities you choose to belong to. Bisexuality is about seeing the potentiality of a lover regardless of their gender. Bisexuals don’t fit nicely into categories, we are women focused, men focused or into the fetish community or polyamory or abstinence. I would like to say that you don’t have to be fucking the myriad of genders to be bisexual. I was seeing a man who said “are you straight now?!!” and I suppose you can guess I wasn’t with him for very long. I am now in a monogamous relationship with a woman but I still identify as bisexual. This leads me onto the issue of biphobia, Haven’t heard of it, well I have experienced it. It is a form of oppression that bisexuals face. It is unique in the fact that it can come from the heterosexual community and the queer community. It puts bisexuals in a place where they don’t fit into either community and this can lead to feeling of exclusion and isolation. Bisexuals not only have to come out to the heterosexual community they have to come out to the queer community as well. If you don’t come out to the queer community you are considered to be gay or lesbian, same goes for the hetero community. Reactions from people when you come out as bi can vary from great to down right ignorant. I have been told that I don’t exist, I have been asked to join in a threesome because I had disclosed that I was bi. At a conference called queer collaborations I was once referred as an “indecisive bitch”. This is not acceptable. Bisexuals are organising but they are still facing many barriers. When I was seeing Iota at the G he was talking about the queer community and only referring to lesbians and gays, when I shouted out “and bisexuals”. And he said “Oh, we can’t forget them they don’t let us”!! (refuse to support him now even took his cd out of the stereo!) This example proves that there is animosity evident in the queer community and I am here to tell Iota and everyone that, NO, we won’t let people forget us. Silence leads to oppression, oppression leads to depression, anxiety and at worst suicide. Bi pride is breaking the silence, it is about having pride in your sexuality and challenging biphobia wherever it rears its ugly head. It is about being out, loud and proud and not putting up with ignorance and hate. I encourage all bisexuals to get organised, come to queer collective and have your voices heard and I will finish with how I started: No I’m bisexual, you’re confused.

 By Shannon Hall