The Language of the Law-
A Communication Student’s Impression of Law School

Here is the scene:

A group of first-year law students sit on the second floor of GP and wait to be taught how to communicate properly whilst practising law. We are a varied bunch; a few dazed eighteen-year-olds fresh from highschool and still wondering what a ‘newcat’ is and where they can purchase one, a few mature-age students eager to learn the intricacies of the online phenomenon that is ‘blackboard’ and a few jaded post-grads and change-over students who, like myself, try to master the inward eye roll to demonstrate their superiority. We sit in a neat ‘u’ shape and stare each other down like insecure playground bullies.

This is what my ears hear:

We are all here to learn. Yes. To learn how to communicate when using THE LAW. Yes. To learn how, when practising the profession that is THE LAW, to keep things in perspective, to remember we still have to communicate with the ‘ordinary person’. Yes. Because, after spending five years in LAW SCHOOL we will emerge super-ultra-important human beings. Yes. And, because, after these FIVE YEARS OF GRUELLING TRAINING YOU WILL NO LONGER REMEMBER THE NAME OF YOUR CHLDHOOD CAT NOT TO MENTION HOW TO SAY G’DAY MATE!!!! Yes.

Our minds simultaneously flash forward to a family barbeque in five years time.
Uncle Marty is walking towards us with outstretched arms and a friendly drawl of ‘Maaaaate. How the bluddy hell are ya!!?’

In response we see ourselves whip out our statute notes and try and charge him with section 4A of the Summary Offences Act 1988 (NSW), offensive language.

This frightful image has shadowed my learning throughout the first five weeks of the lovely Law School. The best quote I have collected is below:

Tutor: ‘Now, in learning the law you will gain an understanding of all it’s intricacies. Does anyone see a problem with using this knowledge to manoeuvre their way around the law, for example, when receiving a speeding ticket?

Student: ‘Well, doesn’t a plumber use his skills to do his own plumbing?’

It is followed closely by:

Tutor: ‘The law is black and white. You will learn there is nothing creative about the law.’

Student (inner thought): ‘Um, sir, didn’t he tell us about all the grey areas yesterday?’

These observations may slightly be influenced from spending two years in a Communications course, where the lecturer teaches you not only about the ‘varied readings’ of all texts and also that your nasal passage contains erotic tissue. These law quotes are enough to make the average laid-back communications student shudder, (and could almost be enough to motivate them to write an unpaid rant). All in all, Law School may be a ‘profession’ but it has yet to challenge me as much as bitching about the many appearances of Andrew Johns in our local news content.

So, this article can be kept as a snap shot of my sanity ─ this is before they beat me down with a stick and make me sight statues.

p.s This article is dedicated to my dear friends Amy, who also studies Communication Law, and who wrote an article with similar frustrations in Opus last year. We had a lovely conversation after the article was published that went something like:

Brooke: ‘Amy! I read your article! It rocked!’

Amy: ‘What??? OH. MY. GOD. I told Opus to leave is anonymous. SHIIIIIIT.I have a tute now!’

(One of the funniest moments of my life)

Brooke Forbes