I am an Australian man. I have been ever since I turned 18, when I went to the pub and poisoned my liver with my mates, sang 80s rock songs, had an up-and-under and got kicked out of another pub at 2:30 am. I was wearing jeans, a polo shirt, and I drank beer.

But on the question of “What does it mean to be an Australian man”, I didn’t know what to write.

Do I say it’s a requirement of manhood in this Great Southern Land that one must consume his body weight in fermented hops and malt?